Downward Spiral
One of the most dangerous events that can happen in flight is for an aircraft to stall. Every airplane has a low-speed point at which it will lose lift and begin to fall out of the sky, sometimes even into an unrecoverable spiral. This is so dangerous that aircraft are equipped with a loud audible warning when the aircraft is approaching stall speed.
Unfortunately, husbands and wives do not have an inherent warning device when their marriage is approaching stall speed. Many couples dangerously live their lives very close to the point where their relationship could unravel. From there they could find their marriage in a deadly downward spiral that will bring death to their relationship.
So, what can we do to prevent such a disastrous event from happening?
The first thing we need to do is to prioritize our lives in such a way that we don’t even come close to that danger zone. Do not let busyness take away the time required to have a healthy marriage.
Second, and as important, do not give in to the tendency we all have to be selfish. Most importantly become aware of your spouse’s feelings of dissatisfaction within your marriage through intimate and regular conversations. Without knowledge of what your husband’s or wife’s feelings and emotional needs are, you cannot rightly discern what actions are required to protect and enhance your marriage.
Every marriage requires effort and a substantial amount of time in order for it to be healthy. Think of your relationship like a garden. A garden requires regular scheduled preventive maintenance and attention to ensure plants and flowers receive watering, pruning, proper nourishment, and just as important, weeding.
Similarly, we must do what is right and necessary so healthy growth takes place in our marriages. We also, like weeding a garden, must eliminate those actions that are having a negative impact. The only way this can take place is to allow your spouse to identify your actions that are adversely impacting his or her feelings.
If this is to take place, there must be a sense of agreement to discuss any issues in a peaceable and constructive manner. Because we understand the necessity to have honest and open conversations between spouses, in our courses we require every participant to sign an Agreement for Peaceful Discussion before starting the class.
Once an atmosphere of freedom for honest discussion is present, it is possible to change what needs to be eliminated. These changes usually require a sacrifice because your natural desires can be aligned with the very things you do that harm your marriage. It is at this point you have a choice – a very important choice – whether to sacrifice your desires or to dangerously continue on like always.
Quite simply, by choice, you can live a life pleasing to your mate and to God by developing a lifestyle of sacrificial love. As a result, you will continue to grow in your relationship with your spouse and with God. That is what true love is: putting God and spouse ahead of oneself.
Note: You might also want to read the web article, Tick Tock, Tick Tock that addresses the need for us to give more time to our marriages.
We also go into much more detail and the alignment with scriptures on these issues in The Fulfilled Marriage: The Three Doors available to order from this website.
God bless you and yours,
Ted
