Why Difficulties In Your Christian Marriage?
Over the past ten years, Esther and I have been proclaiming that “Christians should have the very best marriages within every culture.” Unfortunately, very few couples reveal to their neighbors that their faith makes any difference in the quality of their marriages.
It is not only possible to have a marriage full of love and joy that comes from knowing you are exactly where God wants you to be, but also that God stands at the wings ready to intervene and help you have a marriage that reflects well on your faith.
God has given us the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, the one who wants to come alongside us. He is the one who will make you successful in life, as God sees success.
God loves us and, although He requires us to put Him first, He also desires our marriages to be blessed with joy that comes only with His leadership and presence in our marriage.
The Fulfilled Marriage: The Three Doors by Ted Dean, 2019, Page 20
There are three major factors impacting many marriages in the church and causing them to fail or to be disappointing.
The first factor is selfishness, which not only needs to be banished from marriages but must be eliminated from our lives as followers of Christ. Selfishness should have been eliminated from our lives during regeneration, being “born again.” Unselfishness should be the hallmark of every Christian’s life.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.
Philippians 2:3, New International Version (NIV)
No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.
1 Corinthians 10:24, NIV
The antidote for selfishness is not un-selfishness. It is complete and total death to our old nature. In being baptized after being “born again,” we declare death to the old life and birth to our new life. In this acknowledgment, we now have the grace that is made available for us to succeed, and the power of the Holy Spirit that dwells in every true believer to accomplish this. In our hearts and in our prayers must be found the desire to become like Jesus and demonstrate both God’s nature of unselfish love and the character of what a true child of God should be. There is no room to compromise. There is no half-death. You are either dead to your old nature or it is controlling you.
We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
Romans 6:4, NIV
Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”
Mark 8:34, NIV
How can this be accomplished? That is where the other two major factors come in. Fortunately, these factors are both positive and attainable.
The second factor but first of these positive ones is “sacrificial love.” If we want to truly please our Maker and become like Him, it can only be accomplished through sacrificial love. That is the type of love God recognizes and the type of love He has for us.
This love is costly and extravagant. It is worth more than diamonds or gold, and this love can be seen most clearly as we look upon our Savior’s cross, the ultimate demonstration of sacrificial love. This is the type of love that will not only transform your marriage but transform you as a child of God.
God ordained marriage for His purpose to be the primary path for those who are not single to develop into mature disciples that will reflect the Father’s sacrificial love for their spouse, children, and all of mankind.
Our third factor is prayer. One of the most important ingredients in a Christian marriage is praying with your spouse. In our books and in our courses, we simply call it “Couple’s Prayer.” If you are not already praying together, begin with a short morning and/or evening prayer of just a few moments each day. Ask God to simply help you to improve your marriage and tell Him you want to please Him in doing so. By starting off with short prayers you will have the best chance of establishing a habit of praying together. Grow your prayer. Prayer works. Prayer together works much better!
For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.
Matthew 18:20, NIV
Blessings to you in God’s Love,
Ted
1- The Fulfilled Marriage: The Three Doors by Ted Dean, 2019, Page 20
