Differences: I Didn’t Have A Clue!
Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Ephesians 5:1-2, New International Version (NIV)
We currently have two A Marriage Made In Heaven classes running simultaneously utilizing the Zoom virtual classroom technology. This week, students are involved in the process of discovering their own and their spouse’s emotional needs. For many, this will be a completely new and exciting discovery. For a few students, it will be somewhat difficult because, in the process of discovery, they will see that they have failed at least to some extent in fulfilling their role as wife or husband. Hearing the students express, “I didn’t have a clue” or its equivalent is common in all classes at this stage in the course.
For many, seeing past failures will be necessary so that they can embrace the challenge to change. They will see this reality of their new understanding as a golden opportunity to make adjustments that will enhance their relationship. For those desiring to grow both as a spouse and as a disciple of Christ, this is the process that God instituted in which the Holy Spirit (the Paraclete, he who comes alongside us) helps us to succeed. God will provide wisdom, compassion, and power to make essential adjustments necessary to ensure a fulfilling marriage and successful spiritual walk through life. When difficulties are manifested, they come from the reality that there is an issue that needs to be resolved. Ignoring it or delaying addressing it can be disastrous.
Assumptions that your spouse’s emotional needs are identical to yours, or the belief that women and men are opposites, or that all men have identical needs, or that women always have the same emotional needs, are simply not true. Any of these false beliefs can lead a couple into perpetual turmoil and possibly divorce. All of us are unique. Every human has experienced a separate life that has molded them, made them, and influenced them differently than their spouse.
Once a husband or wife has expressed their emotional needs, it is essential that they take the responsibility to fulfill those needs. In a Christian marriage covenant, we have agreed to fulfill these needs that legitimately cannot be fulfilled by another. This extends to all genuine needs, not just sexuality. In all good marriages, both spouses are willing to do what they would not do by their own inclinations or interests. By sacrificially loving your spouse, you align yourself within God’s perfect plan for marriage and for life.
Failure to love your spouse as God directs brings failure not only to marriage, but it will also hinder any effort to become a true disciple of Christ. Remember always, God’s type of love is sacrificial love (agape), and our goal in life is to sacrificially reflect Christ in all things. Sacrificial love is what can put a Christian marriage on a much higher plane than all others.
The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
1 Corinthians 7:4, NIV
A Marriage Made in Heaven is a 10-week church-based marriage program that has for the last ten years helped many couples bring fulfillment, romance, and joy into their marriages while enhancing their personnel relationship with God. We would love to help your church establish a successful marriage program.
For more information see our Courses, Books, and Facilitators Guides.
In the A Marriage Made In Heaven course, we use Dr. Willard Harley’s book, His Needs, Her Needs, to drill down into the differences in men and women and the uniqueness of each marriage partner for a better understanding and application of these principles and to better equip each spouse to love and care for the others’ needs.
You can see a list of the books we use in our A Marriage Made In Heaven course at the Facilitator’s link here, which includes the above His Needs, Her Needs book. You can order that book on Amazon at this direct link for your convenience.
