Boot Camp

by Ted Dean
in Change Unhappy Marriage, Dating, Help My Marriage, Love, Marriage, Marriage Fulfillment, Marriage Improvement
on August 30, 2019

Some of you may already know that I served as a Naval Officer for twenty-eight years. Before I received my commission I attended basic training as an enlisted sailor.

I remember when I arrived at boot camp for training in Great Lakes, Illinois on April 26, 1966, around midnight. After a few minutes, we were greeted by a not very friendly older gentleman who escorted us to a building that seemed to be at least a hundred years old and probably hadn’t been repaired or updated for at least seventy-five years. That night I found out quickly that in Northern Illinois nights can be very cold, even in April, especially since there was no heat and the wind came through the building even with the windows closed.

A few sleepless hours later we were greeted by another unfriendly sailor and taken to get our hair cut by a civilian barber who had the looks of a Chicago gangster and seemed to be just as friendly as one. He was, however, excellent in his job, for it only took less than two minutes to remove all of my hair.

I can now look back on those stressful days and see that they were so important in establishing the good foundation that I would need for the entire period of my long career. One of the first things I learned was that it was no longer what I wanted to do, but what someone else unquestioningly wanted me to do. The second thing I discovered was that, as my self-will and selfishness diminished, I began to be endeared to my fellow recruits.

Unfortunately, for the preparation for marriage, there is no “boot camp.” However, in a sense, marriage is our basic training for something much more important – namely, eternity and the Kingdom of God. Most individuals are able to set aside their self-centeredness during the dating period with their future husband or wife for two reasons.

First, there is so much excitement and good feelings when you are together with your intended that you didn’t even think about your own interests. The second reason for putting aside egocentricity during dating is the knowledge that if you don’t you were certain to hear from your intended, “I’m outa here!”

In my book, The Fulfilled Marriage: The Three Doors, I indicate that marriage is God’s crucible for making pure gold in your life. There are many reasons it is a crucible, but I believe the first and probably the most important, like boot camp, is to destroy our selfishness and self-centeredness. These are the carry-overs from our old Adamic-self and have no place in a Christian’s life, not to mention your relationship with your spouse.

Unfortunately, the only solution for this is to give your life to Christ as you put Him first, and then to put your spouse next. By putting Christ and your spouse ahead of yourself, you are not only participating within the Kingdom of God’s standards, but you are also being prepared for a much more important future in eternity. As a result of this voluntary sacrificial lifestyle, like my endearment growing for my fellow recruits who were going through the trials of basic training with me, love will increase in your marriage relationship. As a result, you will move closer and closer to the oneness that God desires. That makes your sacrifices well worth it.

“As you spend your time and effort on loving your spouse, knowingly or unknowingly, you are increasing the value of your relationship. Just as we treasure those things we work harder to acquire more than those things given to us, the more effort we expend to build our marriage God’s way, the more important our marriage becomes to us.”
The Fulfilled Marriage: The Three Doors by Ted Dean